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JohnnyJazz (John Gilbert) - 6/19/08 6:30pm
Long time no see..

JohnnyJazz 9john Gilbert) - 6/19/08 6:26pm
Bill, been awhile. Keep on swinging.

Ruthy - 4/16/08 9:02am
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter, "I have a question that´s haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes"?

St. Peter said, "That´s a question only God can answer". So the zebra went off in search of God.

When he found Him, the zebra asked, "God, please
- I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am
I black with white stripes?" God simply replied, "You are what you are".

The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, "Well, did God straighten out your query for you?"

The zebra looked puzzled. "No sir, God simply said, "You are what you are".

St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, "Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes".

The zebra asked St. Peter, "How do you know that for certain?"

"Because," said St. Peter, "If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, "You is what you is".

- 3/14/08 6:16pm
Words of wisdom from Steve Wright

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said:

"I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to our amazement, and amusement.

Here are some of his gems:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend,...but she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever......so far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work

Ruthy - 3/10/08 4:14pm
The following was sent to my by my depo court reporter friend. I think you'll find the humor in it, too.

This is testimony from my doctor depo the other day. Funny!

Q. AND IT IS TRUE, ISN'T IT, THAT IT IS ESPECIALLY -- "IT" BEING PIRIFORMIS SYNDROME -- PREVALENT IN MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN WHO ENGAGE IN VIGOROUS EXERCISE ACTIVITIES?

A. I MUST CONFESS THAT I DON'T REMEMBER RIGHT NOW AS TO MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN HAVE A PROPENSITY TOWARDS IT. I DON'T REMEMBER THAT, SIR.

Q. WOULD IT SURPRISE YOU TO FIND THAT OUT?

MR. WELLS: OBJECTION. AGAIN, I THINK IT CALLS FOR SPECULATION.

THE WITNESS: NOTHING SURPRISES ME ABOUT MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN, SIR.

- 3/7/08 9:47am
1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

Sorry about this,....I'm an idiot and I needed company,...:-)

Bill Fulton - 3/5/08 6:03pm
Sent to me by Noel Collins:

Two New York jazz musicians got a gig in Chicago but they had to drive separate cars. When the trumpeter arrived at the gig he was told that the tenor man had been killed tragically on a bridge in Indiana.

The trumpeter looked confused.

He then said: "There is no bridge in Indiana."

Bill Fulton - 11/13/07 6:03pm
Colton thank you! Nothing like a live orchestra...as long as they're playing in tune! LOL!

Colton Weatherston - 11/13/07 11:08am
I like the Composers' Guild pieces!

Armando Jimenez - 6/16/07 12:42pm
Bill, I am an old friend of Curtis Traylor and Ronnie Crubley from the "Accent" days. Hope to see you at Le Ve Lee! Where is Curtis and Ronnie these days? Best to you! Please reply...Thamks!

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